Actually, I do
by kbecks41319
Summary: It actually kind of hurts when something slaps you so hard in the face.


**I'm not quite sure where this came from. I was talking to a friend and the idea kinda hit me. Sorta like how this realization slaps Beckett in the face. It seems a little out of character to me, but I'm brushing that off as an effect of this huge realization that just kinda sat down on her chest. Okay? Okay.**

**Anyways, I hope you enjoy. Remember: I do not own Castle and I love reviews.**

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"Hi there."

His voice interrupts her thoughts as her eyes break away from Castle long enough to acknowledge Josh with a quick "oh hi" and let him take her into a hug. As soon as he does her eyes once again find the writer and watches as he walks away. She's not sure what it is but nothing seems right.

She should be happy, elated even, but the small smile that had been on her face found itself disappearing as her partner got even farther away from her.

"_Captain's right, you guys don't know how lucky you are."_

_Their eyes find each other and the briefest of looks proves the theory wrong, a shy smile coming to her lips as his next words come out._

"_Actually, I do."_

Her stomach lurches as she closes her eyes tightly, knowing that the man holding her is not the man she wants to be with. Her breath hitches as her chest contracts and she starts to worry that she's going to have a panic attack. She can't, she won't, not here in the precinct. Pushing away from Josh, she looks up at him with a child-like fear in her eyes as her head shakes back and forth of its own accord.

"I'm sorry, I-I can't."

He's speaking words that sound foreign to her ears as she ignores the worried faces of her on looking co-workers. She needs to get out of there - she needs to get out of there, now.

"Don't wait for me," she interrupts his worries as she bolts for the stairs, knowing that the elevator is currently occupied.

She can hear her name being called, voices that mean nothing to her, as she slams into the stairwell door. She doesn't care at the moment that she's making a scene, she doesn't care that she's leaving behind a room full of people that are worried about her.

All she cares about is reaching the ground floor.

Her feet pound against the stairs as she manages skillfully not to fall in her heels, her heart thundering against her chest. Oxygen becomes a concept she doesn't know the meaning of on the second floor as she pushes on, knowing that she only has one floor left. She doesn't care about breathing, she doesn't care about anything except the ground floor.

Bursting through the doors on the ground floor, she finds herself surrounded by faces that she knows but doesn't care for at the moment. Her eyes focus on the elevator, noticing it closing after having just letting someone off. Scanning the room, she catches sight of her target - he's heading out of the front doors, ready to hail a cab. Promising her body a rest if it cooperates with her once more, she carefully makes her way through the semi-crowded room and follows after him.

"Castle," she half-screams and half-cries out as she bursts through the doors after him.

He jumps, obviously startled, as he turns away from the cab that he was about to step into. His eyes take one look at her and quickly fill with worry as he moves towards her, forgetting all about heading home.

"Beckett?" He pauses, if only for a moment to prove to himself that it is really her. "You okay? You look like you just ran a marathon."

The small, signature smirk is on his lips but it doesn't reach his eyes. But she doesn't care that he's cracking jokes or that he's trying once again to butt in on her personal life. She doesn't care at all as she realizes he's still there.

Her stomach lurches again but it's different than earlier; instead of dread and missed opportunities, it's filled with fear and anticipation as she takes in a deep breath before letting it out. Knowing that this is what she wants - what she needs, even - she gives him a small smile before speaking somewhat calmly.

"We should talk."

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_I might be willing to continue this if I get enough feedback. I'm not sure though. ~C._


End file.
